Highlights for Get Out of Your Own Way
- Believe in yourself (1:00)
- Ask for what you want (3:55)
- Speak up (5:25)
- Honor your needs – stop people-pleasing (6:25)
- 6 tips for getting out of your own way (7:30)
Get Out of Your Own Way
To finish out this month of New Year, Same You, I want to talk about how we get in our own way…
We are our own biggest critic, at times, which means we can also be our biggest obstacle. When we criticize ourselves, we create roadblocks.
I’m here to clear the road!
I want each of us to become our biggest cheerleader and supporter!
In order to do that, we have to understand how we are blocking our own energy, power, desires, and blessings.
We create roadblocks when we: don’t believe in ourselves, don’t ask for what we want, don’t speak up, and when we people please – just to name a few.
Believe in Yourself
When we don’t believe in our talents, abilities, brains, bodies, or strength, we are creating blocks inside of ourselves.
There’s no way we can possibly achieve what we want when we are blocking our own way … this goes back to the negative self-talk I’ve been talking about.
If you think I’ll never become a manager, then you won’t, because you don’t believe it … it’s that simple. No one is going to hire or promote someone who doesn’t believe they can achieve what they’re asking for. (I wouldn’t!)
If you think No one will ever love me, then you are decreasing the chances of finding love. If you went on a date with someone, and they said that, you’d be running for the hills … it’s not attractive. You don’t want to be with someone who thinks themselves unlovable.
To find the right person or job – or whatever you are seeking – you have to believe that you’re worth it! It all starts with managing your mind.
Managing your mind means that you are the boss and not the other way around. Our thoughts create feelings, so if you’re thinking I’m not lovable and that’s not getting you the results you want? Then you have a choice—
Choose another thought.
Choose to think something that is positive or helpful or that gives you hope. You can choose to think I haven’t met the right person for me YET, or I have to believe in myself before someone else can, or I am worthy of love and belonging.
Any positive, helpful, or hopeful thought can put you on the path to getting what you want.
When we recognize that every thought which goes through our head is a CHOICE, then we can make different choices. But first, we have to be aware of what we are thinking and believing.
Sometimes managing your mind can be telling yourself to STOP saying all the nonsense. And I mean literally saying “STOP!” out loud. Just like you would yell “STOP IT!” if you were sitting around with your siblings and they were annoying the shit out of you … sometimes we have to do that for ourselves.
I’ve done this, and it works. When your mind is spinning on negative thoughts, and you need to interrupt it, you have to take control of your mind and stop the negativity in its tracks. Your mind is literally stunned when you say “STOP!” It shocks you back into a normal thinking rhythm.
You have to get out of your own fucking way!
Ask for What You Want
Sometimes we don’t advocate for ourselves.
If you don’t ask for a raise, you’re not going to get one. Most companies aren’t handing out money just because they have nothing better to do. You have to believe in yourself, make your case, and ask for more money – or a promotion, a flexible work schedule, or whatever your little heart desires.
They may say no, but you’ll never know until you ask. And if they do say no, that’s not an invitation to lay down and die. NOPE! That just means you have to keep trying. You have to make a stronger case, find another angle, or maybe find someone who will pay you what you want to be paid … but you keep trying!!!
This is where so many people get tripped up – they stop. They hear “No,” and they feel defeated. Don’t make a No mean anything about you. Don’t tell yourself you’re not good enough or that you suck. It’s just not true.
Stay hungry and know that you’re worthy. Maybe that No will be the fire you need to find another job or start your own business.
I once heard that stopping when we hear a No is like getting a flat tire and then slashing the other three tires. Something about that analogy clicked with me … we would never slash three perfectly good tires because one was flat, no ma’am.
No is not fatal, and it’s not final.
There have been a million times when I didn’t speak up for myself or others. Oh, if I only had a time machine and could send 2019’s Shawna back to my earlier days … OOOHHHHHHH that would be AWESOME! I would love to see the looks on some people’s faces!
But we can’t go back in time; we can only learn and be prepared for the next opportunity…
Maybe the next opportunity is to speak up for yourself and create a boundary. Maybe it’s asking for something you never dreamt you could have, like a beach house, or maybe it’s landing your dream job.
Be prepared for the next time someone says or does something you don’t like. Are you ready to speak up? Are you willing to say, “I didn’t appreciate that,” or “You do not get to speak to me like that.”
The boundaries you create today are the strength you draw on in the future.
Honor Your Needs – Stop People-Pleasing
As a recovering good-girl people-pleaser, I know how easy it is to just let people get their way. I know how hard it is to stand up for yourself, but what I’ve learned is people-pleasing always comes at my expense.
When I’m overly accommodating to others, I am not honoring my own needs. That’s not flexibility – flexibility is being cooperative, but not to the extent that you’re being harmed. People-pleasing is always giving up something that’s important or valuable to you just to make others happy.
I can hear some of you yelling at me now: “I like to make other people happy!” And that’s cool, I get it … so do I. I like to make people happy, but not at my own expense … I will not let other people get their way on things that matter deeply to me.
People-pleasing is no way to live, and I know it’s crushing your spirit.
6 Tips for Getting Out of Your Own Way
Be willing to hear the word No. It’s just a word, and it can’t hurt you; it’s not a guillotine. If we give it too much power, we end up standing in cement shoes.
Be willing to upset people. If they don’t like your request or your boundary, that’s okay … they don’t have to. How people react to you is none of your business, and it has nothing to do with you – it’s always their own stuff. If they’re upset, it’s because of their own thoughts … and maybe they should read this post to learn how to manage their minds 😊
You have the right to make any kind of request you want. People don’t have to grant it, and that’s okay. The opposite is also true – people can ask you for anything; you don’t have to comply, and it’s okay to say No.
Say No to what doesn’t work for you. “No, I don’t want to go,” “No, you can’t eat my lunch,” “No, you’re not going to speak to me like that,” “No, I don’t want to buy that house.” Saying No doesn’t have to become a fight, and you don’t owe anyone an explanation. “No” is a complete sentence.
Don’t live in fear of someone criticizing, ridiculing, or silencing you. You have the right to be seen and heard. The reason people try to shut you down is that they are afraid of your brightness. Don’t let them dim your light … keep shining! Their words cannot hurt you – only what you believe about their words will hurt you.
Manage your mind. Don’t take anything personally. Remember that all thoughts are choices, and if something isn’t working for you, choose to think something different. Our thoughts create feelings, our feelings create action, and our actions create results. Choose your thoughts for the results you want … the outcome is amazing!