This is the time of year when we make resolutions – to be thinner, richer, happier, more organized, etc… AND right about now is when the wheels start falling off of our resolutions.
New Year’s Resolutions probably started out as a good thing, but like so many things these days it’s morphed into a marketing campaign to sell people stuff. Stuff we don’t need, don’t want, but somehow through the “magic” of media, we are hypnotized into believing that we want/need all of that nonsense. It’s a huge mind game.
I personally have purchased every diet on the market – in addition to water bottles, yoga mats, running pants, exercise balls, weights, cords, shakes, systems, memberships – you name it, I’ve bought it!
New Year’s resolutions were always a fight for me. A fight between the person I was and the person I “thought” I SHOULD be. I felt like I never measured up, I was always falling short. I felt like crap.
And yet, EVERY YEAR, I would make the same resolutions again…to lose weight. Occasionally, I’d throw in something about saving more money because history had shown me that I would fail at losing weight, so I needed something to feel good about. FAIL!
The truth is that when you feel like a failure in one area, it carries over to other areas. I’ve never been good at saving money and I’ve never been successful at keeping the weight off. Shocker! Because I always felt like I wasn’t good enough. The shame was overwhelming and paralyzing.
By the time February rolled around, I was exhausted, mad and disappointed because I hadn’t lost enough weight to make myself or anyone around me happy. Once again, I failed.
The problem with resolutions is that they start with the premise that I must change because I’m not good enough the way I am or that I’m not worthy so I need to change as to BECOME worthy.
Well that just plain sucks! To start out anything with the mindset that I’m not good enough so I must change is a recipe for failure. And trust me I made that failure recipe EVERY year since I was 10 years old.
Here are the 5 reasons I don’t make resolutions:
- There’s nothing wrong with me.
- I am not broken.
- I am worthy.
- I am enough.
- If I want to change my life to be healthier, happier, stronger, save more money or be more organized I can do it any day, at any time. Not just on January 1 each year.
Not making resolutions isn’t burying my head in the sand…I suppose it could be, but it’s not for me. It’s about making a conscious choice to stop beating myself up, especially at the beginning of each New Year.
I’m not going to detox, starve, eat only celery sticks, work out until I pass out, try the latest fad diet or pills or shakes. I’m not doing any of it because it doesn’t serve me! There’s nothing wrong with me! There’s nothing wrong with you! Why do we make ourselves crazy over these resolutions? Just to fit what society tells us is beautiful, or enough?
I am DONE! I’m not doing this self-deprecating shit anymore!
I’m going to be happy with who I am, just the way I am. Crazy idea, right?!?!
I am choosing to be happy with myself, my body and my life. I choose to not fight reality. As Byron Katie would say, I am choosing to love what is.
I can tell you that hating myself for more than 30 years hasn’t worked, so I’m taking a new approach.
A radical one. A simple one.
Love for myself. Love for my body. Love for those around me.
When I think like this it MAKES me want to be a better person. A person who smiles at strangers, holds the elevator door, says good morning to someone I pass on the stairs, offer to help an elderly person. It makes me want to go out of my way to be an EVEN better than I already am. It inspires me.
I was never inspired by any resolution I ever made.
I am also much kinder and more compassionate towards myself and that leads to really WANTING to do good things for my mind, body and spirit. That’s a breath of fresh air compared to the chocking self-hatred I used to endure.
This is the person I want to be. This is the person I already am. I am not my body. I am not my bank account. I am not my failures. I am not my successes. I am simply me.
And hating myself doesn’t make me feel good. It makes me nasty, critical, judgmental, anxious, frustrated, sad, lonely and tired. Really, really tired.
So no more, this is the year of Shawna. It can be the year of you too!
All you have to do is decide.
It doesn’t cost anything. You don’t have to go anywhere.
So forget the resolutions. Make a list of all things to love about yourself. Do something nice for someone else. Live your life knowing that you are worthy. Here’s a mantra that I say to myself when I’m stressed or worried or starting to be hard on myself:
I am perfect.
I am whole.
I am loved.
I am enough.