Highlights for Vulnerability Hangover
- What’s a vulnerability hangover? (1:40)
- The dance of our wildest dreams (4:15)
- A beautiful mess (5:45)
Vulnerability Hangover
So, picture this…
It’s Friday night, I’m in my living room alone, and I realize that I haven’t listened to my latest podcast episode since it launched. My husband, Dan, is at work, and I’m snuggled up and watching TV with my dog, Carolina – it seems like the perfect time to listen to the final version of Free Jeans Freakout.
In that episode, I talked about my panic-ridden experience with trying on a pair of complimentary jeans from Democracy Clothing that surely wouldn’t fit … BUT THEY DID!
Now, I recorded the episode myself, so it’s not like I haven’t heard it before. But somehow, listening to it through the podcast app on my phone changed it for me.
So, there I was on my couch, listening to my own podcast … with a hand pressed over both my eyes the entire time.
I was hiding.
Like, who was I hiding from…? The dog?
I didn’t know who I was hiding from – and I still don’t – but it felt like, Uggggghhh!
I had SUCH a vulnerability hangover.
What’s a Vulnerability Hangover?
You know how when you drink too much, you feel like crap the next day?
Yeah, it felt like that kind of hangover, only there was no booze involved … but there was the same feeling of regret.
All these thoughts ran through my mind: Why did I say that? Why did I share so much? What was I thinking about that I shared this AT ALL?! Ohmigod, I can’t believe I did this…
Maybe about 30 minutes later – I don’t know exactly how long because I was trying to hide my face from the dog, who wasn’t even the least bit bothered by my podcast – I got a message from the founder of Democracy Clothing!
She said that she loved the podcast episode and was moved by my vulnerability. She thanked me for being so open because so many women can relate to the struggle, and by sharing my journey, I was helping other women.
She said the goal at Democracy Clothing is, “To embrace who you are, enhance what you’ve got, elevate your confidence, and evolve your personal style.”
That is my kind of clothing!
And so, I was shocked, excited, and had all the feels that come with those. I called Dan, and he was overjoyed!
Not long after this, I realized that Democracy Clothing had shared my podcast on their Facebook page and on Instagram!
Then I ugly-cried happy, elated, and excited tears for about 5 whole minutes (and Dan tells me that I do have the ugliest of ugly cries 😊).
I was really moved … this is a big thing that somebody shared my work and that it deeply resonated with them…
And then the fear set in…
The Dance of Our Wildest Dreams
It was one the craziest feelings I’ve ever had – so much joy and happiness and excitement riding right alongside complete and total terror.
And that’s when it hit me…
The path to your wildest dreams is a dance between what you really want and what you fear the most.
What I really want is for people to relate to me and my work in the world. That requires them to SEE me, and that’s where my inner switch clicks over to Fear.
Fear of being seen.
Fear of being judged.
Fear of being ridiculed.
Fear of people not understanding me.
I’ve been hiding for so long now that, this year, I promised myself that I would put myself out there in an honest, meaningful, and real way. I have no idea where it will lead, but I’m going to stop hiding and just see what happens.
So, I was seen.
And, I did not die.
I’m SUPER proud of myself for being vulnerable! If even one woman hears my story, and it helps her to feel better about herself, then mission accomplished.
A Beautiful Mess
Life is not a straight line, and I’m a linear thinker. I like neat, organized, and planned out things … essentially, straight lines. 😊
But that’s not what life is!
Life is a beautiful mess. It’s a back and forth and back again, and there are so many lessons along the way. And just when you think, “I’ve got this!” then another lesson presents itself.
So, stay on the path to your wildest dreams, and keep dancing between the excitement and the fear.
That’s how you know that you’re getting closer to your greatest desires.
Until next time…
xoxo,
Shawna
