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Silence Your Mean Girl

in Courage

At one time or another we have all had that inner voice saying not so nice things to us.  Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough, not rich enough…the list goes on and on.  I’m here to tell you that inner mean girl is a LIAR!  I’m sorry, but it needed to be said.  She can’t be trusted, so stop listening to her.

If you had a friend and you knew she was always lying – you wouldn’t be friends with her any more, right?  And you certainly wouldn’t believe anything that she had to say.   Well your inner mean girl is a liar – I promise you!!  I’m here to help you take action!

My inner mean girl had my undivided attention for more than 30 years and I believed every horrible thing she told me.  I struggled for so long with feeling not good enough and I tried to stay small.  I didn’t try things, didn’t put myself out there, I didn’t take chances.  I didn’t attempt anything where I wasn’t 100% sure I would be successful.  This is what I mean by staying small – I was hiding.  I lived my life to fly under the radar, never being noticed, never taking a chance, letting my mean girl win.  That’s no way to live.

Little by little I began to take more chances, take leaps of faith and put myself out there and I have never been happier or freer.  Here’s a story about my mean girl trying to keep me down and how I fought back…

Here are 3 things that helped me survive my embarrassing story and this will help keep your mean girl muzzled:

  1. Remember no matter what the situation is – YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH.  You are perfect just the way you are and if you were meant to be any different you would be.  You can use Brené Brown’s mantra, like I do, or you can make up your own.  Whatever it takes, YOU ROCK!
  2. Stay in your own business.  Do not worry about what other people think.  Martha Beck says there are 3 kinds of business in the world – Your Business, Their Business and God’s Business.
  • Your Business is everything inside of your body – your thoughts, your actions – things that you can control.
  • Their Business is everything outside of your skin.
  • God’s Business is the weather and other things that you can’t control.

When I ask myself whose business am I in – I instantly feel better because I am reminded that I don’t have to worry about anything but myself.

  1. Check the message.  Ask yourself if what your mean girl is saying is true?  Is it true that everyone is smarter than you?  Of course not.  Checking the message can help you put a lid on the stream of nonsense that she’s throwing at you.                                   

Your inner mean girl is trying to serve a purpose – she’s trying to protect you. But you don’t need her protection – you’re not in danger.  My experience is that everything my mean girl says is based in fear – fear of being made fun of, or laughed at or not fitting in.  This fear is the lack of connection.

My personal belief is that it’s better to be led by love, rather than pushed by fear.  So rather than be afraid of what might happen, I choose to lead with love and think of all the wonderful things that could happen.

It’s not about making a complete overhaul of your life – it’s about small changes.  I once heard someone say that if you leave San Diego intending to sail to Hawaii and you change your course by one degree, you will miss Hawaii completely.   That’s how big of an impact a one degree change can make.  It’s not about silencing her all at once…it’s a process.

So tell your mean girl thank you for her concern, but you’ve got this!  And so do I.

Please feel free to share your inner mean girl story in the comments so we can all know that we are not alone.  Everyone has an inner mean girl but now we are going to start to silence her, together.

If you’re going to the Martha Beck Summit, I hope to connect with you!



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