Highlights for A New Year’s Manifesto
- Something a little different (0:35)
- A brave new year (1:50)
- Don’t believe their bullshit (2:15)
- There’s nothing wrong with you (4:20)
- Getting fired up in 2020 (7:50)
A New Year’s Manifesto
Happy New Year!
Not New Year, New You because you KNOW I hate that. It’s New Year, Same You PLUS inspiration, empowerment, and encouragement.
2020 is going to be the best year yet!
I’m going to do something a little different with this post and probably for a couple more going forward. This is my new manifesto: how I want to live, what I’m going to talk about, and what I’m going to focus on in my work and in the world.
Something a Little Different
I’ve been creating something new because what I really want is to help women who struggle to make everybody around them happy in an effort to be liked and to avoid criticism. They are constantly hustling for external approval … myself included!
Yes, this is a reminder for myself, too. I’m not speaking about this because I have it all figured out. I don’t have it all figured out; I’m just a step or two ahead. Here’s what I know…
I know that when I feel good about myself, I put good things into the world, and I help people feel better about themselves. And when people feel better about themselves, they take chances, they create things, they’re innovative, they’re creative, and they add beautiful things to this world – and God knows we need that!
A Brave New Year
I really want 2020 to be a year of Brave for you, and I’ll be doing brave things, too.
I’m creating a whole new framework for my business and topics that I’m going to talk about. Some of it is raw, and I’m going to share stories about my own failures and blind spots, and also what I’ve come to know.
Don’t Believe Their Bullshit
I want women to know that there is more to life than worrying about the number of calories or points in something and “good” food versus “bad” food.
I want women to know that there is more to life than a certain amount of working out, and “if you don’t work out this amount, then it’s not worth it.”
That’s all bullshit! The diet culture is all bullshit.
It’s meant to keep us down. It’s meant to keep us under control, and the more we buy into it, the more of our power we give away to the diet industry – to their diets and books and shakes and equipment.
Now, I’m not suggesting that you NOT live a healthy life and move your body more, but that you do those things in a way that feels like love. I’m also not suggesting that you not be mindful of your eating. Be mindful, of course, but don’t be so goddamned rigid about everything you stick in your mouth that you don’t have any fun!
There has to be a happy medium, and I never understood that. I never felt it, and I never knew it. I always swung between the two extremes—
- Eating everything in my path with my fingers stuck in my ears, singing lalalalala!, while completely blind and numbing myself to pain, hurt, sadness, and disappointment. I numbed the shit out of myself for yeeeeears.
- I would swing to the other side, which was rigid obedience. And if I couldn’t be rigidly obedient – and only eat, apples, lettuce, and carrot sticks – then I was a Bad Girl eating Bad Food.
I’m blowing all of that up this year. I’m blowing it up. I want everybody to know that the diet industry and its culture are feeding us a bunch of crap that we unconsciously buy into.
There’s Nothing Wrong with You
I want to wake everybody up!
Wake up and listen. Become conscious about what people are telling us; become conscious about the images that we’re buying into. All the stuff that we’re comparing ourselves to? It’s all fake, airbrushed crap! We think that we need to look like the people in the ads when the people in the ads don’t even look like that.
You are not broken. There is nothing wrong with you. You are beautiful and amazing just the way you are, and not a goddamned thing needs to change unless you choose to change it. And if you do choose to change something, change it because it’s something you want to do … change it from a place of desire.
Here’s a great example: I very rarely wear makeup, but as I was getting dressed for a party a couple of weeks ago, my husband came up behind me and said, “Are you wearing makeup tonight?” and I said, “Yeah, I’m going to wear some,” and he said, “You don’t need it. You’re beautiful without it.” 😊 I said “Thanks!” and went about my business.
And I thought about that for a while afterward. I thought, I don’t need him to tell me that, but I do appreciate it. I appreciate that he is not telling me that I have to wear makeup, that I’m prettier with it. It’s nice to be told that I don’t have to have it. I don’t need to hear it, but it’s really nice to hear it.
And so, on our way to the party, I said, “I really appreciate the fact that you like me better without makeup … but sometimes I just want to wear makeup for myself.”
Wearing makeup makes me feel good, when I choose to wear it. I feel empowered and really good about myself when I wear makeup, and I also feel good about myself and empowered when I’m not wearing any makeup (which is 99% of the time).
I walk around in the world without makeup on, and you know what? I’m okay, and everybody looking at me is okay, too.
We do not need to change anything unless we choose to change it.
If you want to buy a certain skin cream because you feel like your skin is dry or oily or a combination, and you feel like that’s what’s going to make you feel good about yourself? Then go buy it.
But don’t buy it because somebody in a TV commercial or an ad or somebody at a makeup counter told you that your skin sucks, and this product is what you need to fix it. Don’t buy it because you’re buying into the myth – the totally incorrect information – that there’s something wrong with you.
No, there’s nothing wrong with you.
If you choose to wear makeup, then wear makeup. Hey, if you want a boob job, then get a boob job! But don’t do it because people are telling you that you need one. Do it because that’s what you want and want to do, and it’s going to make you feel powerful and good about yourself.
But if you’re not feeling good about yourself to begin with because other people are telling you how to feel and what you should and shouldn’t do or what you should and shouldn’t look like, then I’m here to tell you – that’s all crap.
We don’t have a weight problem; we have a people-pleasing problem.
Getting Fired Up in 2020
We’re going to set 2020 on fire, and here’s how we’re going to do it…
I’m going to talk a lot more about letting go of expectations and the crippling shame that comes when we don’t meet those expectations … the shame that surrounds us and makes us feel like we’re wearing cement shoes.
I’m going to talk a lot more about how to piss people off! We’re going to say No, we’re going to stop apologizing, and we’re going to do what’s in our best interest … what’s in your best interest.
And here is a little hint: What’s in your best interest is always in everybody else’s best interest, as well. Here’s what I mean by that…
If you say No to an event that you don’t really want to go to, that’s in your best interest because you don’t really want to go. It’s also in the best interests of everybody there because if you don’t want to be there, nobody will want to be around you.
I mean, I know that’s true for me. If I don’t want to be someplace, then I’m not someone who anybody wants to be around. So, everybody wins when you do what’s in your best interest – it’s a win-win.
You are your best self when you are present because you want to be there and not out of obligation.
I’m going to talk a lot more about how to manage the mind instead of letting our minds manage us. It’s time to get that hamster off the wheel in your head and take control of your thoughts.
Yes, sometimes things suck … that’s true. That’s just life, but there’s a difference between Clean Pain and Dirty Pain.
Clean Pain is what you feel when someone has passed away – a true, awful, gut-wrenching pain. And then there’s Dirty Pain, which comes from the stories that you make up in your head, and that’s the kind of pain which I’m talking about managing.
Of course you would feel bad because your Aunt Sally died … I’m not suggesting that you manage your mind out of every bad feeling. Sometimes, the pain is appropriate. It’s the Dirty Pain from the stories you tell yourself that needs to be managed.
Not sure what’s a story and what’s not? Well, if it’s not based in fact, then it’s a story, and if it’s not a simple pain like breaking your arm, then yeah … that’s something that needs to be managed.
I want you to give yourself permission to be fucking amazing. Yes, I said it! You know why? Because you already are.
In this year of 2020, we’re going to be brave, and we’re also going to be amazing. I want you to have some damned fun now. Stop waiting until everything is perfect or until everything is in place. All that shit will get done whenever it gets done.
You’ve got to live your life now because tomorrow is not guaranteed! You can’t wait until you lose 20 pounds or 50 pounds, or whatever, to show up and be present for your life.
No more hiding. That is how we’re going to make a change for ourselves, for the world around us, and for the people around us.
This is how things change – when we make a conscious effort to do things in a different way than we’ve done them in the past.
This is a new year, and this is my new year’s manifesto. Stay with me in 2020, and we will set this world on fire!