Highlights for I’m Still Standing
- Where (and how) I’ve been for the past 3 months (1:20)
- Breaking the silence (5:50)
- I’m a rocket man (7:55)
I’m Still Standing
I know you’ve been patiently waiting for part 3 of my body image breakthrough story, and I promise you will get it soon.
To be honest, I’ve been feeling stuck and a little frozen. This year has been the worst of my life, starting on January 1 when my mother-in-law passed away, and it hasn’t gotten any better … as we all know.
Had it been just one thing, I might have been able to handle it with more grace and ease, but with everything happening in the world right now, I shut down like an electrical outlet does when it gets wet. (Yes, I’m the daughter of an electrician so electrical analogies just come to me 🔌)
So, where have I been?
Where (and How) I’ve Been for the Past 3 Months
I’ve been trying to survive. I’ve been in my house.
I’ve been feeling all of the feelings associated with a worldwide pandemic, family deaths, uncertainty, trauma surfacing, grief, sadness, loneliness, racial injustice, frustration, lack of leadership, social media insanity, and so much more…
I’ve shared on Facebook the buckets of tears that I’ve cried since the beginning of this year … Here in 2020, I’ve cried more tears in the first couple of months than I have in the past couple of years combined, I’m sure.
I don’t want to sugarcoat anything or minimize how hard it’s been because I know that so many other people are struggling, too. It’s not always rosy, it’s not always easy, it’s not always pretty, and I see all of you. I honor the struggle in all of you because I’ve been feeling it in me. You’re not alone.
It’s not easy. There’s a lot going on for EVERYONE, and each of us is experiencing the world through a different lens. It becomes more difficult when we aren’t willing to see the world through each other’s experiences, to put ourselves in other people’s shoes.
At times, I’ve felt knocked down by waves that kept crashing on me, one right after another after another after another. There were moments when I couldn’t catch my breath.
I don’t know if you have felt this way?
When I look back on it, it wasn’t that I was feeling hopeless, but I’m a huge empath, and I feel things very deeply … I’m feeling ALL OF THIS very deeply, picking up on the energy of people around me, in the wide collective, and in the world.
It’s been hard, but I’ve been trying to let the feelings exist and move through me instead of shoving them down (which I’ve done in the past, it’s always been my specialty).
There have been days when I’m irritated and don’t know why, then at the end of the day, I would realize what was really going on.
One day, I realized I wasn’t feeling safe, and I didn’t know how to move forward anymore. The world had been in complete shutdown mode, and my state was beginning to open up again, and I didn’t know how to re-enter the world safely.
I previously navigated my world very securely, very confidently, and now, all of a sudden, there’s this virus … this unknown, this uncertainty…
And I do NOT do well with uncertainty, okay?
Acknowledging that this was hanging over my head all the time and that I didn’t know how to move forward made me feel better … at least I knew what it was.
So, I cried some more, journaled, talked to friends, did energy work, got help, meditated, had courageous conversations, all to move forward again…
George Floyd’s murder set me back again, and at the same time, I found my voice.
I realized that my silence is acceptance, and there are too many people that I love who are hurting for me to accept the current state of the world.
So, I had to speak out, and I’m going to continue to speak out, educate myself, and continue to educate myself, so I can be part of the solution rather than continue to be part of the problem.
I will not be silent any longer … about anything.
Breaking the Silence
I feel like it’s important for me to be really clear about who I am, what I believe, and what I stand for—
- Black Lives Matter
- Love Is Love
- Science Is Real
- Women Are Equal
- Humans are not illegal
- Kindness is everything
- Actions have consequences
- Masks are mandatory
- Stay 6 feet away from me
- Dogs are the greatest creatures
- Saltwater soothes all that ails me
- Laughter is a cure
- Anger is necessary
- Be responsible for the energy you bring
- Hugs can change the world
- Loyalty matters
- Openness moves us forward
- In the absence of leadership, we follow fools
- I am very privileged to have everything I need
I know that some people won’t like my words or my opinions – that’s okay. I will be okay.
As I’m emerging stronger than I was before, I’m not afraid of upsetting people. I can’t control people (as much as I would like to 😊), but I can control who I allow around me and who I interact with.
We don’t have to agree on everything, but racism isn’t something we can disagree on. That’s just not an option for me.
I’m a Rocket Man
I watched the movie Rocketman recently. It’s a movie about Elton John’s life, and the song “I’m Still Standing” spoke to me and reminded me that I AM still standing…
You could never know what it’s like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there’s a cold lonely light that shines from you
You’ll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use
And did you think this fool could never win
Well, look at me, I’m a-coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I’m still standing you just fade away
Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
And I’m still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind
***
I’ve been really, really hard on myself for feeling frozen and unable to move forward … or move, period. I guess I’ve needed the time to be quiet and peaceful and to remind myself that all things happen when they’re supposed to and that I’m no longer hiding behind a mask.
I’m not drawing any line in the sand – I am welcoming with open arms.
I AM still standing.
Stand with me!
xoxo
Shawna
p.s. Here are a video and lyrics so you can sing with me, too! 😊
I’m Still Standing
Written by Elton John & Bernie Taupin
You could never know what it’s like
Your blood like winter freezes just like ice
And there’s a cold lonely light that shines from you
You’ll wind up like the wreck you hide behind that mask you use
And did you think this fool could never win
Well, look at me, I’m a-coming back again
I got a taste of love in a simple way
And if you need to know while I’m still standing you just fade away
Don’t you know I’m still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
And I’m still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Once I never could hope to win
You’re starting down the road leaving me again
The threats you made were meant to cut me down
And if our love was just a circus you’d be a clown by now
You know I’m still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
I’m still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Don’t you know that I’m still standing better than I ever did
Looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid
And I’m still standing after all this time
Picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
I’m still standing. Yeah, yeah, yeah
